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i bet rhinos cant talk because they would make too many jokes about being horny

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ur not allowed to be busy youre my only friend

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it’s kind of weird knowing that when you sleep, you’re just looking at your eyelids but somewhere in your brain, you are able to produce dreams as if you’re still awake.  

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American History textbooks more like

Chapter 1: Introduction to White People
Chapter 2: White Settlers and The Indian Savages
Chapter 3: Whitey Makes A Country
Chapter 4: The Blacks
Chapter 5: Wars, Wars, Wars
Chapter 6: No More Racism!: Martin Luther King Jr. Gives a Speech
Chapter 7: The Modern Whites

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Teacher : So what did you bring for show and tell today

Me :


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sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star

(Source: halcyondiamonds, via yourmamaslikeavacuumcleaner)


Testing the Reflexes of Seven Kittens

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someone give me a tutorial on how to talk to the boy

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it sucks being the ugly quiet rude sarcastic emotionally unstable friend with the attention span of a goldfish

(Source: siriusblaack, via yourmamaslikeavacuumcleaner)

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